Thursday, June 25, 2009

1. To be Simply Sarah

Hello, my name is Sarah. I'm a twenty-six year old screw up. I might not look like a screw up, I have nice clothing, a winning smile, I'm smart... Yet somewhere along the way, my decision making went awry.

I have flunked out of three, count them, THREE colleges. One was right out of high school. I got into William Patterson University, and when that acceptance letter came I outright teared up. I spent one year there, floundering around picking the right major, sleeping through classes, and generally sleeping around. After that first year my mother told me it would be better for her wallet if I just found a job and finished school when I, "got my head on straight".

A few years later, and a whole lot of debt and mistakes trailing in my wake, I enrolled in a community college. At the time, I was working as an assistant Pre- K teacher, and I thought that I had finally found my calling!! I was going to get my degree and work in an elementary school! Yet once again my party life found a way to mess everything up. For some reason going to class seemed to be the biggest hassle. So my final endeavor, my last try, I was going to go to school online! I mean how could I possibly mess up online school? I could do it in my pajamas, the commercials exclaimed! And that first class was glorious! I took music appreciation, and I must say I aced it with flying colors. And then, once again, I puttered out.

Don't get me wrong, as I said, I'm smart. When I put my mind to something, I get wonderful grades. The problem is putting my mind in the right spot. I seem to go through life with this attitude of having all the time in the world. However, I'm starting to feel that time is running out.
In my twenty-six years the only thing I have to show for myself is a track record of bad grades, odd jobs that don't last for more then a year, a divorce, and a very long list of parties. I'm a twenty-six year old screw up, watching successful people get younger and younger, while I am getting older and older. I have a dream, you know, I want my wonderful husband, my white picket fence, my career that I'm proud of, my two kids. This is my last chance. I'm tired of my family seeing me as the one with all the potential and no dedication. I'm tired of telling people that I only have "some college" under my belt. I don't want to list the drugs that I've done as my only accomplishments in life. I'm don't want to be a screw up any longer.

So I'm going back to school. Four times is a charm right? Except this time I have a huge debt, I have no idea how I'm going to pay for it. I have a few months to figure all of that out, but this time mommy isn't going to bail me out. I have no husband to fall back on. Its all me.

This is my blog about my journey, about how I got here and where I'm going. If I succeed, which I hope I do, this will track my progress and help me stay focused. In the months following I'm going to allow whoever reads this blog a look into my life, my ups, my downs, and everything in between. My fingers will remain crossed that at the end of this journey I will no longer be Sarah the screw up, I will simply be Sarah.

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1 comment:

  1. I hope you do succeed! Life is worth it. Just think what a few years of really hard work and unselfishness will reward you with in the end.
    Best of luck and thank you for stopping by my blog.